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  • Writer's pictureMichael Scarn

Reagan's Movie Review - Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds

The pyramids of Giza.

The Coliseum in Rome.

Heery's pearly whites.

For years, mankind has looked at its greatest creations in awe and wonder in what we are able to create when our minds are dedicated to exceeding the status quo. On Thursday, February 9th , I sat down in my apartment, listening to the eclectic bongos of the neighborhood outside, and settled in to watch “Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds”.

When my children grow up and ask me about what shaped my worldview, my perspective, my inner most being, I will undoubtedly answer with this film, this masterpiece. But why? Why? That was the same question I asked myself when I clicked the play button. Fear, concern, and the feeling of childlike innocence fading away swept over me as the opening scenes commenced. And yet, as the minutes rolled on and the characters and body parts of all colors, sizes, and grotesque angles at which to show them presented themselves to me, I understood.

This film was not meant to grace the big screen, nor was it meant to be watched by a family on a

Friday night after they swaddled themselves in blankets and cradled their bucket of popcorn. No,

this film was meant to be viewed by a select few. A select few who are gosh darn degenerate enough to subject themselves to 85 minutes of a cry for help by the deviants who, in their minds,

thought the world needed to see it.

And so, before I dive into the content, I must apologize to the people who spent $37,000 in the box office to see this movie, you will never be the same. I also apologize to those who saw it was a film festival award winner at the “Outfest” festival, without any indication of what that festival aimed to do.

This film, lest we call it that, was everything wrong about the world, not because of the homosexual monotones, rather, because of the absolutely vile angles at which they chose to portray the characters. Dear God, the images.

The images will never leave me.

The plot was a mess. It was about a handful of people who didn’t know if they were gay or not and a good hour was debating whether or not they were gay. From time to time, you were treated with an intimate scene, which while equally awful to endure, to at least gave you a breath from the awful dialogue and acting. Speaking of the acting, it was so bad, if they wouldn’t have acted whatsoever, it would have been much better. It’s like they acted in the negative, somehow,


I just. I don’t know. Is it my fault for agreeing to the bet? Yes…

But, could Zack have had some decency? Also yes.

Will I see the images (of things you can only imagine) in my mind until I lay to rest in the ground Hopefully new tech comes out to erase memories, or else, yes…

I will be attending two church services this upcoming Sunday, and maybe two every Sunday for the next calendar year.

I miss Birdemic.


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