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  • Writer's pictureMichael Scarn

The Quez-t for Bijan: Week 12 Review and Week 13 Preview

Updated: Dec 8, 2022

The office of Threat Level: Midnight hopes your Thanksgiving was filled with gratitude and love, family time, and elastic waistbands. Some of us had a very long weekend in more ways than one, but before we get into the matchup of the year so far*, let us take you back to autumn of 2019...

Reagan, Bryce, and Heery were still roommates at Hope College and most of you dads were most-recent-child-less. Zack was over visiting and in the midst of a tear-down. This was one we hadn't seen the likes of before: the turn-around, the foresight. Zack traded Heery Julio Jones and Jay Ajayi for Brandin Cooks and Heery's 1st round pick. That pick? Turned out to be Ja'Marr Chase at 1.01 after multiple injuries for Heery. What a colossal mistake and sad moment for the treasurer of this league.

Fast forward to the early summer of 2020: fear abounds as Zack begins forming his undefeated squad, the website kicks off, and used masks flood the ocean's waterways. During a pickup basketball game, Bryce trades Heery a load and a half for Julio Jones, signaling for more darkness for the Shooting Toby Twice gang. Later on that season, David sends over Justin Herbert for three 2nd round picks. Insert new name: Herbert Fully Loaded

2019 - 2020 - 2021

All tremendously depressing-to-watch years for Heery including a league-history-low weekly point total and a weekly job of transcribing each debilitating loss.

But what about 2022? He has multiple 1st round picks and a young team with promise! With some fun trades to trash Bryce's team, he was projected to make playoffs (or at least quadruple his wins), but hey, he's darn near last again with more injuries.

Fancy that.

In comes a new treasure: Texas Longhorns running back, Bijan Robinson. An absolute fiend on the field and a friend to all ends, Robinson rushes for a career 6.3 yards per carry and has 42 total touchdowns. With back-to-back 1,000-yard rushing seasons, he finishes his true Junior season with 258 attempts, 1,900 total yards, and 20 total touchdowns. grades him out as the RB2 in the entire country at 94.2 (a grade-scale out of 100).

Enter Week 3 of this season. Bryce's team sees a Hollywood-esque pillaging 30 minutes before game time, in an attempt to fool Jordan into complacency, and it proceeds to be fruitful. Jordan wins by four total points and Marquise Brown scores 21 points for Heery's team.

Bijan is within grasp for Heery.

A couple weeks after (Week 5), Heery becomes a snake, eating his own tail, and LOSES to Bryce and his trio of Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night by three total points. More sadness for Heery.

Jordan in the lead for Bijan.

Seven weeks later, Jordan pulls a surprise upset against his brother-in-law, Bettis, thanks to Cole Kmet's first two touchdowns and a program-lifting Darius Slayton week. Unfortunately for the Giants receiver, Jordan rewarded his points with a trade to another team.

Heery in the lead for Bijan.

Back to current day (kind of), Bryce and Jordan match up again in Week 12. For total transparency, Jordan and Heery set each other's lineups (Jordan with Bryce's). Winner of this game loses out on the first pick in 2023, it seems. It all rides on this matchup. If Bryce wins, Jordan hits last place. If Jordan wins, Heery doubles down and potentially lands 1.01 and 1.02 as well.

On Thanksgiving, Jared Goff put up a respectable 24 points for Bryce. Then on Sunday, a spot-start for Andy Dalton produces just enough at 12 points for Jordan. Then Olamide Zaccheus was absolutely not a wee, little man, scoring double digits for Jordan.

Sunday night was a thriller, with Jake Elliott scoring a very scary 10 for Bryce. The hero of Sunday Night turned out to be Quez Watkins, scoring from 30 out. We go into Monday Night Football with Bryce (Heery) leading Jordan by 2 points. It's Indianapolis D/ST vs. Alec Pierce (+2).

The "Quezt for Bijan" still alive...

And then, The Game.

On Monday Night, Heery was working an event at his local middle school and nearly missed the beginning of the game. At halftime, there was a 5-point difference in score and a 16-3 lead for Pittsburgh. Wasn't looking awesome for the Colts D. However, as Matt Ryan continued to be a 37-year-old professional athlete, Alec Pierce saw little action as the offense sputtered. The Steelers rolled over the Colts defense even without Najee Harris, who left the game with a foot injury. They scored with five minutes left in the game, leaving room for one more field goal for Pittsburgh in the fantasy scoring point drop-off.

Heery up 0.1 points.

The Colts went three-and-out, the Steelers wasted two minutes, got sacked (+1 for Heery), and punted, and then a drive worth waiting for. The Colts went 67 yards in ten plays and threw a deep pass to Alec Pierce, but it was broken up. Then the Colts sat Pierce for Ashton Dulin, went no-huddle, and Jeff Saturday wasted a bunch of time not calling time-out. Colts lose, Pierce Reagan Rules, and Heery wins by a grand total of 1.1 points.

Heery on top for Bijan.

My heart rate was sky-high the entire game. I've had so much fun tonight and this league is awesome to be a part of. Shout-out to Jordan, because this was a well-thought-out plan for him to succeed. Much respect. - Heery

Week 12 Review

Reagan scored 175 points (almost the 200 Heery had written about in last week's blog) against Heery himself, so congrats to David and Bettis for combining for 390 over the next two weeks. Zack with a comeback week, beating an injured-Joe-Mixon-starting Zach in the 2021 championship rematch. Bettis putting up a whopping 152 against Zeke was fun to see. Corey and David's matchup was fun to see, but Corey pulled out as Josh Jacobs (RB1) did not on the poor Seahawks. Tom beat John, scaring John's hopes for playoffs. Jordan beat Bryce (see above).


Week 13 Preview

Game of the Week is between Zach (7-5, sixth) and John (6-6, seventh). John needs to beat Zach here for a whiff of a playoff berth. John also needs to win out, and should against Bryce. Zach's point totals are much higher than John's, so there is little hope here. Miami has San Francisco at home, but there is some rain up ahead, so watch out, fellas.

After the loss to a family member, Zack (11-1, first) looks to demolish another as he goes up against Jordan (3-9, tenth) in the Brother Bowl. Jordan gonna do his absolute best to keep his head up after last week's soul-crushing defeat.

Reagan (9-3, second) battles a down-trodden Zeke (4-8, eighth), expecting another huge week from his squad.

Corey (9-3, third) will emaciate Bryce (1-11, the bottom of the pit).

David (8-4, fourth) sees Heery (2-10, eleventh) as fresh meat. Keep note that Heery's opponents have averaged 172.80 points over the last four weeks. That is truly so sad. Congratulations, again, Mr. Salisbury steak.

Tom (8-4, fifth) faces off with a red-hot Bettis squad (4-8, ninth), who has won three of his last four matchups.


Weekly Pick 'Em

Heery (Last Week: 4-2, Overall: 56-16)

Zack, Reagan, Corey, Tom, Zach, Heery

Reagan (Last Week: 6-0, Overall: 55-17)

Zack, Reagan, Corey, Bettis, Zach, Heery

Zack (Last Week: 5-1, Overall: 53-19)

Zack, Reagan, Corey, Tom, Zach, David

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