12
Tanking For Tua
John
I just don’t get this one. This one just sucks. Yes, the Dolphins traded away their best pieces. Yes, Tua is most likely going to be drafted by the Dolphins. However, John is not a Miami fan. The only thing helping his case is that he’s a Bama guy, like Tua. The Alabama quarterback is projected 2nd-3rd round in our rookie draft rankings. So “tanking for Tua” doesn’t make logical sense. Next, tanking is an actionable offense in TLM. In 2019, a 3rd rounder was taken away from Tom for his suspected tanking. This name promotes illegalities. To top it all off, John’s team is one of the top-three teams in the league, in “win now” mode. John wasn’t tanking, isn’t a renown Dolphins fan, and was promoting something frowned upon in our league. Disgraceful, questionable name.
11
Drake’s Favorite ’21 Team
Jordan
This name is just a clunky mouthful. It also has nothing to do with football, which doesn’t help. The pop culture reference is weak to say the least. Rapper Drake is known to be a fair-weather fan of about every team imaginable: Kentucky, Miami Heat, Houston Astros, and the list goes on. The Toronto native is a huge Raptors fan, and that’s acceptable for us. However, every time Drake voices his support for a team, that team blows the win, takes a hard loss, or what have you. It makes sense that Jordan will have a better team in a year or two, but if Drake is cheering for Jordan’s good team, Jordan’s team would lose, wouldn’t it?
10
Kicking Rocks
Reagan
This name paints a funny picture of some cuck sent away from the cool kids to kick rocks because they don’t want to be seen with him. The team does fit the goals and situation of Reagan’s squad, but other than that, this team name isn’t great. There’s barely a football reference if we stretch for it. It could be Reagan’s profession of his closeted love of Special Teams.
9
Truth Ertz
David
I’m willing to put money on this that David went to Google and searched “best fantasy football team names 2020” or “101 fantasy football team names 2020 zach ertz”. It’s really boring. There’s no pizzazz to it, no gusto, it’s not funny, it’s just a saying. For David’s sake, I’ll give him a reason for his vanilla name. Pop singer Lizzo’s song “Truth Hurts” was originally released in September of 2017, but re-released as a radio single in 2019. I’m going to assume that David was Lizzo’s biggest fan a few years back and that ignited the trade for the Eagles’ tight end.
8
Bad Hombres
Zack
Enter the “Bad Hombres”. Way back into the history books, Zack’s original team name struck fear into the hearts of those he played. Rostering Le’Veon Bell (drug suspension) and Martavis Bryant (suspended indefinitely for drugs), Trump’s nickname for Mexican troublemakers was a great team name for Zack. Now, neither players are on Zack’s team and Zack doesn’t have any “bad” hombres nor does he have any players of Latin descent. He actually has two of the nicest guys in the league in retired quarterback Andrew Luck and Giants quarterback Daniel Jones. Maybe Zack should be the Good Hombres…
7
Keenan And Dell
Austin B.
AB’s team name idea is great. It’s a no-doubt top-two name in the league. It pays homage to Kenan Thompson and Kel Mitchell, stars of the blockbuster movie Good Burger and the show Kenan and Kel. Football-related? Check. Pop culture? Check. The issue is, he no longer has Keenan Allen on his team, so there goes the half the name right there. Not only does he include one player from his team, he had two. An excellent team name, but now is on the hot seat. Of course, AB could switch to “Kenan and Dell”, but it still wouldn’t have the same value as “Keenan and Dell”.
6
Mixon It Up With Mahomies
Zach
Another team name representing two players, this time, both names are valid. With Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes and Bengals’ running back Joe Mixon, Zach has two of his best players as the face of his franchise. However, in the Yahoo site, his team name is smashed together (MixonItUpW/Mahomies), as it is ill-fitting within the 20-character limit. It looks sloppy and it’s too long. Messy, messy, messy. If it was cleaned up like above, it would be jumping spots. A great substitute would be the "Krabby Pattys".
5
Shooting Toby Twice
Austin
Another day-one, veteran name, this clever moniker not only calls back to an episode of NBC’s The Office, but it fits in with the TLM league title. Michael Scott is at it again with Toby and has had it with Toby’s tom-foolery about ant traps. The only downside to this name is that it doesn’t have a football reference.
4
I’m The Cook
Corey
Pop culture reference: check. Football player: check. Dalvin Cook was a bright piece of sunlight in an otherwise dark season for Corey’s crew. The reference, you may be wondering, is a part of one of the greatest spy movies of all time: Tatas Under Siege. This flick includes drama, action, adventure, love, and pirates. What else could you want. It is NSFW, but the intro and outro can be found on YouTube here.
3
Chubb Bucket
Tom
Ah, we love a good Spongebob reference. Nick Chubb heads Tom’s team and is the face of the name. Tom has been up and down the last few years, losing the ‘ship two years ago and missing the playoffs in 2019. It’s almost like Plankton stealing the formula, giving it back, stealing it again, and then blowing up his place of business. Tom’s the Chum Bucket to Austin B.’s Krusty Krab.
2
Psycho Kylers
Zeke
Zeke’s team is now led by Kyler Murray, last season’s Offensive Player of the Year. He makes other owners say, “Hey, keep that psycho bastard away from us.” Well is there a pop culture reference? Actually, there is. It’s pretty good. The Talking Heads, a Top 100 band of all time according to Rolling Stones, released a rock song called “Psycho Killer.” This song was a nice hit for them and also appeared in an Always Sunny In Philadelphia episode (Season 10, episode 3).
1
Baker Of Chains
Bryce
Wow. Just a masterpiece of a team name. It hits the main two points of our ranking system with a football and a pop culture reference. Bryce is a known Browns and Baker fan, and will make sure no one slanders the boys. The name also touches on a Game of Thrones nickname for the queen of dragons, Daenerys Targaryen. Baker has a great chance to be the breaker of chains for the awful recent history of the Cleveland football team. Mayfield Stormborn: protector of the seven touchdowns.
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