In a stroke of journalistic genius, I asked to hear some of the things you are thankful for since it
would buy me two extra days to write this without any heat for being lazy. To which I was then
pleasantly surprised to see more than half the league send responses. So without further ado,
let’s see what members of our beloved league are thankful for during the season of giving
thanks.
Reagan
I am thankful that Zack is so afraid of my team at this point, that he spends his entire day monitoring fantasy news in hopes that he can pick up every QB on the waiver wire. I’m sure it’s exhausting for him to let me live in his head rent-free, and I appreciate the nonstop effort by him to keep it that way.
Zack
I am thankful for Reagan’s lack of foresight combined with his off-putting combination of hubris and just overall being difficult to work with. Due to this unfortunate combination, he has been left without a starting QB over the last couple of weeks, forcing yet another missed postseason. Fun Fact: The 2 previous owners of Reagan’s team went 11-15 in 2 seasons. Reagan has gone 12-25. Yikes!
Bryce
I’m thankful for Reagan and Austin’s unrelenting faithfulness to celibacy and waiting for pure love in the eyes of the Lord.
Corey
I’m thankful to have more than 2 wins.
Tom
I’ll say I’m thankful for the NFL season not getting canceled, hopefully not jinxing it.
Carmody
I’m thankful that AB swiped Deshaun Watson right before me in the 2017 draft, forcing me to draft Mahomes instead!
Austin H
I’m thankful for two young receivers, 1 helluva fantasy name, a bevy of picks in 2 years, the false hope of winning, the feeling of a breakout week from a third string running back, and posting some good content for my friends I haven’t met.
Jordan
“They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just thought you’d never lose it. I’m thankful for Dak Prescott."
Touching, truly pulls at the heartstrings…
I was told by my editor that any less than four pages on Microsoft word would result in termination, and then Bryce’s illiterate ass would be next up to take over the articles. Which out of fear caused me to do some digging to find some historical stats from our league, and quizzed Zack and Austin on them to see if they could guess or at least come close to some of the hilarious numbers our league has seen over the past years.
Least amount of points scored in a single week all time?
Austin: 38
Zack: 58
Answer: 47.95 by John in 2016
Most points scored by a starting kicker in a single week all-time?
Austin: 24, probably Brandon McManus
Zack: 26
Answer: 27 by Bettis in 2017 (Kicker unknown)
Most touchdowns scored by a team all-time?
Austin: 14
Zack: 11
Answer: 13 by Bryce is 2019
Largest margin of defeat all-time?
Austin: 80
Zack: 86
Answer: 135.20 in a game where Tom beat Corey 195.25 – 60.05 in 2018
Longest losing streak of all time?
Austin: 12
Zack: 7
Answer: 10, Corey in 2019
This wasn’t an intentional slight at Corey, but somehow the questions I asked just so happened to lead to Corey.
Week 11 Notes
Zack went on the longest of limbs and called his shot on GroupMe. And then lose by 40. However, this week he has a commanding lead on Bryce, so maybe another GroupMe guarantee is in order.
I would almost say Jordan would be happy losing another game if he had his first-rounder, or second-rounder. Not the ideal time to tank, just ask Tom.
Corey finds himself an arm’s length away from playoffs, and only his own terrible choices will determine if he makes it from here on out. This means Corey’s pick will be a top-6 selection.
Week 11 Awards
The Bee Gees award for Staying Alive goes to Bettis, for defeating Zeke by 6 after an injury blunder on Zeke's part. Yes, there are games on Thursday now.
The Last-Minute Miracle Medallion goes to Carmody, for winning on the last-minute drive by Mahomes. It’s not like we didn’t expect him to score anyway, maybe making it an expectation rather than a miracle.
The One-Touchdown Turmoil Toiletry goes to Heery. For scoring one touchdown between all of his skill players.
I’ve played a lot of fantasy football and honestly can say that winning without a QB would’ve been the pinnacle of my career. It’s unfortunate that the Chiefs are very good at offense.
Week 12 Preview
DK Corner Climber Vs. Unsolicited Dak Pics
I’m not entirely sure this game carries any meaning. Either team making playoffs would be a near-lock to lose in the first round. And the team that loses doesn’t have their first-rounder anyways. At least Jordan has a quarterback?
Game Picks:
Austin: Jordan
Reagan: Jordan
Zack: Jordan
R u shitting (on) me Vs. Larry Had a Lil’ Lamb
As I’m writing this Bettis looks like he is going to run away with it, however, I don’t think that would have affected how the picks were made either way. Oh, and I am now rooting for Bettis to win the 'ship I think.
Game Picks:
Austin: Himself
Reagan: Bettis
Zack: Bettis
I’m the Cook vs. Myles and Moore
This has to be the game of the week. Corey is looking to break a generational curse of being at the bottom, and a win by John would pretty much clinch a first-round bye. I’m gonna keep an eye on how well Hines and Murray can play as fill-in players for John. While Corey fields his entire starting lineup. Should be a good one.
Game Picks:
Austin: Corey
Reagan: Corey
Zack: John
All Barkley No Bite Vs. Baker of Chains
Uhhhh. Bryce is on heavy upset alert, and clearly all picks were made pre-Thursday games.
Game Picks:
Austin: Bryce
Reagan: Bryce
Zack: Bryce
Breesus Lead me Vs. Psycho Kylers
So, as things stand I have no quarterback again. I had many chances to pick one up and, similar to John Elway and the Denver Broncos, I royally messed up not signing someone in emergency. Meanwhile, Zeke’s team is most likely to score 150 points which seems likely. There’s always next year I suppose.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zeke
Reagan: Zeke
Zack: Zeke
MixinitUpW/Mahomes Vs. Run CMC
Another huge game in which Thursday pretty much decided who was the heavy favorite. I think David has the smallest of chances at this point. But, he seems locked in to make playoffs, so I can’t say he’s gonna be too upset if he loses this one.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zach
Reagan: Zach
Zack: Zach
Overall Record
Austin: 44-22 (5-1)
Reagan: 42-24 (4-2)
Zack: 42-24 (5-1)
Cold Take of the Week
I would make the case that DK has done pretty well for being the second receiving option on a run-first team.
Well, If you guys have any suggestions for the pre-playoff article let me know. I’ll probably be sulking in the basement this week as I lose by 50.
Reagan Cotton.
Former owner of a playable QB.
Owner of many younger receivers who might be available this offseason for a QB.
I’d maybe consider moving a running back for a QB as well, this offseason of course.
Singing off.
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