I have a confession to make. Well, two confessions to make. The first being that I was severely wrong about my first impressions of Carmody trading his first for Cohen and Watkins when I said “Way to get some scrubs”, when in reality “congrats on giving up literally nothing for a first-rounder” may have been a more suitable choice of words. And yet here we are, with Zack having 5 out of 6 top picks, and regretting all of our actions (me included). However, the 2nd confession hits home more for me. Over the past week, I have not slept entirely well after releasing the most previous article. Why you might ask. Well, to be blunt and honest, I felt like the quality of work didn’t reflect what I stand for, nor what Threat Level Midnight Stands for as both a league and a growing brand in the fantasy football world. I felt rushed making that article, due to procrastination and general busyness, but we all know that there will never be an excuse for my actions, and with that, I promise to be better, no, I promise to produce the best content TLM has seen for the next 3 weeks before I go into my 6-month hiatus from creative exhaustion trying to muster up exciting content for the handsome salary I don’t make. Nonetheless, I began the endeavor to finish the season on a high note (unlike my fantasy team), by interviewing Bryce, who tied the league record with 11 wins, as I felt like it is important that we all come to know our regular-season champion better, even if he is an unequivocal douche, which you will
undoubtedly recognize in the first-ever… “Threat Level Midnight, at night, news channel”
Heads up, the intro about the video not being suitable for all audiences/ages is not a joke. Do not
watch this without headphones or around your kids. Bryce is an example of everything you wouldn’t want your son to grow up and be. And also something we as the TLM brand don’t encourage.
Enjoy.
When I came up with the idea of the interview, I was unaware that Bryce would be more uncomfortable in front of a camera than any other person I know. Nor did I realize how much my back would hurt trying to carry the conversation. I tried, but I think the result was not what I had envisioned.
Week 13 Notes
I began this season with segment titles “which scrub gets the dub”, referring of course to Zack and Heery. And in perfect fashion, both owners won their final regular-season game, perhaps spurring on a little momentum going into the offseason.
If Zeke would have scored 8 more points, he would have played David this week. Which by the looks of things might be the easier of the two wildcard teams (Bettis)
Teams playing without a QB finished 1-3 on the season. Well, I finished 0-3 and Tom somehow won a game without a QB.
Week 13 Awards
The too much too late award goes to none other than Corey. For proving the doubters wrong as he dropped 157 en route to his 6th? Consolation appearance.
The prove the single hater wrong goes to Austin Bettis, for proving my dumbass who said his team would drop off wrong, and finishing a very respectable 8-5 this season. Well done
The anyone but him award goes to Carmody, for losing because CEH laid a goose egg, and playing RB on his bench but CEH would have resulted in a win. Not like it mattered either way…
Wild Card Preview
HEERY! Insert the obligatory “Playoffs, we’re talking about playoffs?!” Image below.
Thank you
Psycho Kylers Vs. R u shitting (on) me
There are two types of people. Those who enjoy Christmas music, and those who have no soul. That had nothing to do with this matchup, but that’s what I’m listening to as I write this. Deck the Halls. I think the most impressive part of Bettis’s season was his ability to maintain a high scoring
output even with some under the radar guys. Higgins and Beasley both had huge games last week for him. And he’s’ done an excellent job finding pieces to put up points. However, I think at a certain point you have to wonder if those guys can produce against not only “big name” players, but also Derrick Henry against Jacksonville, which we all know how that typically goes. I also think Kyler Vs. the Giants is a much better matchup than Watson Vs. The Bears. However, Quarterback play has been very solid for both teams this year, and this one might come down to the production of star Tight Ends. One who on a historic pace with Mahomes as his Quarterback, while the other has been extremely hard to predict with Lamar Jackson trying to pretend to be a pocket passer.
Game Picks:
Austin: Derrick Henry, I mean Zeke
Reagan: Zeke
Zack: Zeke
Run CMC V.s Myles and Moore
What’s the difference between David and the Jets? At least the Jets have a chance to win their game this week. And I don’t mean that as a complete joke. I just think this game is going to get out of hand quite quickly. Russell Wilson and Davante Adams are most likely going to stomp on David this week. But, Uh, Yeah. I truly can’t think of a reason David wins this. And yes, this will be the cold take of the week next week if I’m wrong.
Game Picks:
Austin: John
Reagan: John
Zack: David
Zack’s Consolation Condolences
11th All Barkley No Bite vs. 10th Breesus Lead Me
The rivalry continues! Feeling good coming off a 2-game win streak, All Barkley No Bite is hitting their stride at the perfect time heading into the (Consolation) playoffs. On the other side, Breesus Lead Me is riding a 3-game losing streak into this huge matchup due to their lack of quarterbacks. Now that All Barkley No Bite has secured Reagan’s early draft pick and dropped all the horrendous starting quarterbacks, which one does Reagan pick up? Or does he prove a point by beating Zack with no QB, a feat he has not yet managed to do in a few close losses? With Zack heartthrob Antonio Gibson looking doubtful for this week, Zack’s RB group is looking dangerously close to Heery’s. Keep an eye on this one! Just kidding, Reagan takes Zack and his injury-riddled tank team to the woodshed.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zack
Reagan: Reagan
Zack: Reagan
12th Larry Had A Lil Lamb vs. 9th Unsolicited Dak Pics
Jordan has a boring and again team on his hands, which isn’t great long-term but can still put some decent points up this year. Vegas is expecting a Corey vs. Jordan Consolation championship, which could really give some positive momentum for these teams heading into 2021. Somehow, Heery has willed this team to 2 regular-season wins while continuing to trade any players with any value whatsoever. Will the magic continue? Doubtful, but maybe Larry Fitzgerald has one more “championship” run in him. I’m calling for Jordan winning on a Gurley 2 TD day since he always shows up for the fantasy playoffs, unfortunately, he just didn’t realize that this is the consolation bracket and means literally nothing. Still proud of him, and proud of Heery for handling this horrible team and riding Wayne Gallman to a couple of fantasy wins while locking in his WR corps and QB of the future in a wasted year.
Game Picks:
Austin: Austin
Reagan: Jordan
Zack: Jordan
Overall Record:
Austin: 51-27 (5-1)
Zack: 51-27 (5-1)
Reagan: 49-29 (4-2)
Next week I will delve into the future of the consolation teams, and how their future looks. Since
the Consolation bracket doesn’t matter and it’s on to the next year for half of our league.
Reagan Cotton
Connoisseur of Christmas
Gift-Wrapping Warrior
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