Disclaimer:
The Threat Level Midnight Fantasy League nor any commissioners or website owners
affiliated with the brand are held responsible for the nonsense Reagan will spew below. Have a
wonderful day.
It is now Wednesday, I have been stuck in the basement with Bryce for 5 days now, fighting off COVID and watching my team put up an embarrassing 70-point performance. So if your question is whether I am mad or not… Well -- No, not really. I’d just like to be able to go coach and go to the gym in all honesty. The worst part about COVID is the never-ending boredom and loss of taste and smell. The sickness itself isn’t bad at all. Unlike my fantasy team. BUT. BUUUUT, that does not exempt any of you buffoons from the sheer honesty I am about to drop.
Hold your horses.
Week 3 Notes
Corey Matches the Cleveland Browns with his first winning record since we had troops in Vietnam. I sincerely applaud his ability to win despite only have three #1 picks on his roster.
Austin outscored me, by putting up a solid 78 points. He didn’t win, but we can only hope his future draft picks will be better than his waiver selections. #AustinSZN2034
Tom and Bettis both played their roles in a low scoring matchup, ensuring each team holds the lowest points scored against. You’d be better off celebrating a winning record against an armless bowler.
Week 3 Awards
The Bounce-Back Award goes to Zach, who after losing Saquon, still managed to have a good roster despite him doing nothing after the catastrophic injury.
The award for "incredibly poor start/sit decisions" goes to me, Reagan. For being stupid in general and starting 2 TEs and Michael Pittman.
The "I genuinely feel bad" goes to Jordan, who was handed the toughest loss in Fantasy history.
I left out David, Zeke, and John from these awards. That is because those three have been the
best owners in my opinion thus far. Bryce aside, due to roster talent, although the Browns
defense and Ravens defense won him the game. Honorable mention I suppose.
Week 4 Matchups
Psycho Kylers VS Larry had a Lil Lamb
Maybe I’ll start writing about a completely different topic in Austins game previews. It
would probably add more value than attempting to muster up some ridiculous reason Austin
could pull of an upset. If anyone has a preferred topic let me know. Anything will do.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zeke
Reagan: Zeke
Zack: Zeke
Livin on Helaire VS R U Shitting (on) me
I truly believe AB's team is still a dumpster fire, and he continues to put patchwork players
over it. As it currently sits, he is bailing water out of a leaking ship with a toothpick, and
eventually, it will overflow. The question is when not if. That being said, this week might not be
it, as he gets his Zack bye, one of two blessed games each of us will partake in this year. And
while I picked Zack last week, a terrible decision for sure, it isn’t completely out of the realm of
possibility he pulls it off. Watson hasn’t nearly played to his potential (Bill O’Brien aside), and
although Robinson seems like waiver pick of the year, we can’t be certain the Jaguars will be in
enough games to give him the volume. Meanwhile, Zack traded for Big Ben, which is a
substantial upgrade to Daniel Winston-- I mean --Jones, but also not helpful given Roethlisberger’s bye this week. I put the line at -15 for Bettis.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zack
Reagan: Zack
Zack: Bettis
Double Wingdings VS Dee D’ n Dede
It’s becoming a pain in the butt to type out each week…
I have no confidence in my team currently. Too many injuries, too many bad performances. Makes me sick. Lamar is probably gonna be pissed and drop 8 touchdowns on the Football Team. This one won’t be pretty
Game Picks:
Austin: Reagan (bad choice)
Reagan: Tom
Zack: Tom
MixonitUpW/Mahomies VS 2X Miles and Moore
Zach has some major holes in his team, those being Tight end and Rb2, and it worries me that he might waste such a high upside season by leaving them there; Especially with Mixon sputtering to a slow start. John on the other hand has a wealth of players at each position. Quite the contrary approach to managing one could say. I don’t think much else matters besides the battles of the two QBs in this one. If one of them comes out surprisingly flat, it might as well be game over. I do think Zach can be saved with another huge Lockett week, which could damper John's scoring with Wilson. Either way, I feel confident this one will be
close.
Game Picks:
Austin: Zach
Reagan: John
Zack: John
Unsolicited Dak Pics VS Run CMC
Both owners have an empty slot currently, which will obviously be filled by game-time. But it makes my job that much harder. David is holding onto a thin rope as he awaits the return of his golden boy, Christian McCaffrey to return to his lineup. Until then, Fournette and Davis will have to run downhill pretty hard to score enough points to hold off a feisty squad led by a surging Jordan. This is the type of game that I can see Jordan losing by a large margin after his blowup last week. But then again, I’m good at being wrong. Mo-Alie Cox was a great pickup on a side note.
Game Picks:
Austin: Jordan
Reagan: Jordan
Zack: David
Baker of Chains VS I’m the Cook
Bryce by 45, write it down.
Oh, Corey if you’re reading this, please remember that we were once basement dwellers together. So deep down I actually root for you, but it isn’t good for the brand If I prop you up too much.
Game Picks:
Austin: Bryce
Reagan: Bryce
Zack: Bryce
Which Scrub gets the dub?
No, I will not be adding myself to this list after one week. Don’t even consider asking about it.
Austin's team is atrocious. Zack’s team might beat Bettis (yeah I picked him), but it’s more of an
upset pick kind of thing. Like, you know how you secretly love reality TV, but will never admit
it to anyone. Or a small part of you thinks that going vegan would be a good life choice. It’s kind
of like that. Picking Zack is a small joy in my life because if I’m right, I look like a genius. And
when I’m wrong like usual, then I guess it doesn’t matter. It’s not like this article is read by
millions of people, or my decisions could ruin an entire franchise, sort of like the Jets did by
hiring Gase over Bienemy (who they interviewed). Sad times in New York. Imagine having one
talented Quarterback in the state of N.Y. between two teams, and he’s stuck behind Adam Gase. Oh well.
Overall Record:
Zack: 11-7
Austin: 9-9
Reagan 8-10
Reagan Cotton.
Covid Cares Advocate.
Please answer my trade offers.
Signing off.
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