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  • Writer's pictureMichael Scarn

Week 7 Review and Week 8 Preview

We have some new team names showing up this week. Here are our grades:


Reagan: Cut My Life Into Breeces

  • Grade: A+ just an absolute masterpiece. It encompasses his entire season so far, his new star, and a classic metal hit by Papa Roach circa 2009.

Jordan: Hot Mom? Z Wilson will Ridder

  • Grade: D+ The aesthetic of this name is cringeworthy, but we keep riding the MILF joke. His last one was better, but trading your best player, Justin Tucker, forces the name change*

*John -- change your stupid team name*


David: Christian Wheelchair Scrubs

  • Grade: N/A No clue as to why this is it. Need an explanation before grading.


 

Nearly half-way through the season, and as injuries abound and ACLs have been torn, we shed tears for our fallen fantasy heroes. One of our own has been heavily struck by the injury bug this season and has decided to appeal to the fantasy gods this week, asking for favor, health, and touchdowns.




Almighty fantasy deities including but not limited to: Walter Payton, Fran Tarkenton, Don Hutson, and Raymond Berry, hear my plea:


I would like to issue an apology for anything I may have said or done to insult your good and fantastical names. I ask for your forgiveness and blessings on the rest of my season without the proper health of Breece Hall, Javonte Williams, David Njoku, Treylon Burks, and Carson Wentz (although this may have been warranted).

In an attempt to regain your favor, I will play Andy Dalton this week against Corey. I now understand that it is not the players that you start on paper, but the blessing and smiles from the fantasy deities above that determine our lowly successes.

May you bless my team led by the Red Rifle toward victory and glory. I hope my advances appease you.

The fantasy deities give and they certainly hath taken away.

Blessed be the games we play.


Sincerely,

An overly-dedicated fantasy enthusiast

 

Week 7 Review

Still loss-less, Zack bonks the heck out of David, 182.80-125.85

Zack talked a lot of sh*t to David in the chats and David's retort showed frustration in his team. Taylor Heinecke was a respectable play in the wake of Josh Allen's bye week, but it wasn't enough. Fournette and Ryan Succop played like dog water and three injuries occurred on his roster. Zack rode his double-digit-filled lineup to victory after Ja'Marr Chase scored twice, the Titans D/ST forced three turnovers and scored, and DJ Moore's coming out party thanks to PJ Walker.


Corey beat the pants off of Heery, scares neighbors, 148.15-101.65

Sigh. Heery makes it over 100 points this week, but it's still not enough. After trading with Zack for Kenyan Drake, it was Gus Edwards, recently activated off of the injured reserve, who showed he was the man for Baltimore. Tyler Allgeier and George Pickens scored, showcasing Heery's drafting ability (finally). Corey told Burrow to let loose and he had 50. Josh Jacobs had 35 points, too. If they had reasonable weeks, maybe Heery would have had a shot to upset Corey. Hindsight is always 20/20.


Reagan loses Hall and Amon-Ra early, still squeaks by Bettis, 129.10-109.85

Amon-Ra St. Brown went out with a concussion in the first quarter for the Lions and Breece Hall tore his ACL against Denver. Reagan was in shambles until Jason Myers, a kicking savior, rose up and booted in 16 points for him. That, and Ekeler had another 30 point game.


Zach rides Chiefs rout of 49ers and tops Zeke, 134.25-109.90

Patrick Mahomes was projected 29 points and he put up 37 for Zach. Solid weeks all around for the fighting Carmodies. Aaron Jones and Joe Mixon had nice games combining for another 40. Zeke's prayers have been answered as Jacksonville rides with Etienne for the year. Jerry Jeudy showed up and Raheem Mostert scored up, but it wasn't enough.


Tom underperforms once again, doesn't murder Bryce 104.90-72.50

Bryce's Chiefs outscored Tom's 49ers. Bryce has Valdes-Scantling and Mecole Hardman, not Kelce and Mahomes. Tom had Deebo and Kittle. Tom is hurting for points, as Lamar has been so good and so poor. At least Chubb is RB3 on the year... Let's see if Tom can suffer less from success.


John wins, Jordan doesn't, 80.15-70.30

This matchup ended up uglier than Jordan vs. Bryce 1. Jordan did listen to the people after a vote on GroupMe and started Davis Mills, who ended up being QB6 in Week 7. Heery called it in the website admin groupchat, stating, "I guarantee General Mills will be a QB1 this week."

 

Week 8 Preview

This is actually a really solid week for matchups; there are a lot of even games. Our Game of the Week in Week 8 is between Zach (5-2, fifth) and Tom (5-2, sixth). With the Dolphins facing the abysmal Lions on Sunday, expect Tyreek and Waddle to put up stupid numbers. Both managers show some interesting FLEX plays, but it is a bye week for some. With Lamar playing Thursday night, Tom might have an early window to see how this matchup will go. With a win, Tom can shoot up a few spots in favor of not playing Zack in the playoffs.


Our reigning champion and current scoring leader by almost a full game, Zack (7-0, first) attempts to keep his winning streak rolling against Bryce (1-6, eleventh). Can he do it? Will Zack be able to win another in a row? Time could only tell...

Corey (6-1, second) matches up against Reagan in a barn-burner (5-2, third).


David (5-2, fourth) looks to face up against Jordan's lowly team (1-6, last), who for the record had multiple chances to pick up playable guys like Marquise Goodwin and chose not to because he believes in an injured Kyle Juszczyk, Demarcus Robinson (nine receptions on the year), and Jauan Jennings (14 receptions in 7 games). But at least he's playing Davis Mills this week?


Lastly, John (3-4, seventh) is on "upset" alert against Bettis (1-6, tenth). Reagan is praying for Andy Dalton to find Chris Olave at least 25 times. Watch out John, the fantasy gods could have been appeased by Reagan's touching letter.


 

Weekly Pick 'Em

Heery (Last Week: 5-1, Overall: 35-7)

Zack, Zeke, Bettis, Reagan, Zach, David

Reagan (Last Week: 5-1, Overall: 31-11)

Zack, Zeke, Bettis, Reagan, Tom, David

Zack (Last Week: 6-0, Overall: 32-10)

Zack, Zeke, Bettis, Corey, Zach, David

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