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  • Writer's pictureMichael Scarn

Wirst Take // Ep. 4 // Week 3 Review and Week 4 Preview


Heery:

Welcome back to Wirst Take, presented by Elmer's Glue: Holding up Tom's roster all year long is only the bare minimum of what we do. Don't feed us to your kids either and please stop putting glue on your hands and peeling it off like it's a face mask. This isn't Sephora. I'm Heery Qerim-Rose, with me as always Zack Kellerman and Reagan A. Smith.


So, we’re a few weeks into the fantasy season; how’s everyone doin' so far?


Zack:

Undefeated as usual. 20-game win streak and counting with John this week.


Reagan:

Zack making me stay up another damn hour. I feel worse than watching Birdemic.


Heery:

Why do you say that?


Zack:

I am sorry for being selfish, but screw you.

*edited for the kids*


Heery:

Allllllrighty then. Well, Reagan you’re not doing so hot and that seems to be a surprise with your squad. What’s the biggest surprise of the year so far?


Zack:

Bettis putting up solid point showings has got to be the biggest surprise to me. The least surprising things are that David is miraculously winning again and that Corey has injuries that will destroy his team, especially with byes coming


Heery:

Just like life, David... uh...uh...finds a way.









Reagan:

I think me leading the league in points is slightly surprising but I’ve had one great and two solid weeks put together.


Zack:

Chooses his own team... *shakes his head*


Heery:

This guy...


Reagan:

Are there any surprises? Like, honestly.


Heery:

Maybe not. Speaking of riveting starts: any players who are gonna come crashing down to earth


Zack:

James Robinson being the only consistent RB1


Reagan:

Yeah I’m pretty sure James Robinson is the Wolverine











Heery:

I don’t know if he’s gonna crash down because he’s playing well on a team that is also playing well.


Reagan:

Certainly not the Sun God (Amon-Ra St. Brown), but I could see Jalen Hurts after teams adjust. Honestly, if Dolphins or Eagles made their Championship game I’d be shocked.


Zack:

Tua. That’s it. Even with elite speed and playmakers around him, he has had one top-20 week and is a current top-five quarterback because of one shootout with Baltimore.


Reagan:

Maybe Clyde Edwards-Helaire. I don't really know if what he’s done is crazy.


Zack:

Cordarrelle defying running back age limits… is it age for wear and tear or touches?


Heery:

Opposite side: Who’s gonna keep the scoring craziness going for a while? Outside of Amon-Ra, because that dude balls out.


Zack:

Dameon Pierce: the unsung hero stashed on Zack’s bench…


Reagan:

Somehow Kyler is QB11 and it feels like they’ve scored three touchdowns as a team.


Heery:

Kyler’s toddler running style is so killer. It's fascinating to watch. I coach a 5'4 slot receiver who runs similarly.


Zack:

D'Andre Swift has looked really good and Detroit's line is insane. That’s definitely one to watch, and if redrafted, would be a no-doubt top-five pick if healthy.


Reagan:

He will never be healthy.


Heery:

Absolutely. The backups are playing nuts right now, too.


Reagan:

You know whose playing nuts?

Trivia question: how many of the top 12 kickers are on FA?


Zack:

Like, five?


Reagan:

Six, actually.


Heery:

Still waiting for the answer of your previous question...


Reagan:

HALF THE BEST KICKERS AREN'T EVEN ROSTERED. It’s a coward position to have in fantasy.


Heery:

Best is different than point scoring...


Reagan:

Oh sorrrrr-eeeee.

Saquon looks really nice, too. It’s unfortunate his career was wasted in New York. And with Zack...

Christian Kirk going crazy as well.


Zack:

Fun fact: I made a horrible trade with John (AJ Brown and Christian Kirk for DJ Moore and Kadarius Toney) then I offered a deal centered around Saquon+ for Ekeler that was luckily declined by you, Reagan.


Heery:

Who’s one of the least producing guys that eventually will be back to normal.


Zack:

Dameon Pierce.


Reagan:

This isn’t a Pierce hype piece.


Heery:

Burkhead for life.


Reagan:

Honestly waiting for DK to go crazy. Brandin Cooks kind of a letdown at this point in time, just looking at total points.


Zack:

But, actually Brandin Cooks. He has elite target share and was great with Davis Mills last year. It will get better.


Heery:

On my team it’s CeeDee Lamb, but I think Kyle Pitts will be utilized higher as the season goes on.


Reagan:

It’s sad Stafford hates African-American receiving targets. Otherwise, Allen Robinson would be balling. Hunter Renfrow also died?


Heery:

He had a concussion or something.


Reagan:

Alvin Kamara doesn’t exist any longer and the Seahawks and Jets both drafted running backs to give them 30% of touches.


Heery:

So sick.


Zack:

Renfrow and Kamara do in fact, stink.

*Editor's note: for the record, let's all understand that Zack has nearly never played the sport of football and Hunter Renfrow and Alvin Kamara do in fact, not stink*


Reagan:

I’ll trade for Alvin and give you a 2nd rounder.


Zack:

Stop. Heery seems like a fella who would like Kamara...


Reagan:

Live on Wirst Take.


Heery:

Back to reality. Let’s talk Jordan and Bryce’s game. Initial thoughts?


Reagan:

Honestly, one of the most fun games to watch play out.


Heery:

I was so scared.


Reagan:

There was question of morality, game ethics, and competition. Every five yards mattered.


Zack:

Truly a crime against humanity, but it was very exciting. Next matchup, the opposing pick owner will set the teams lineup for full anti-tanking, I've proposed.


Reagan:

Game of inches. It’s a shame both of them are complete doodoo. Don’t wanna swear in front of the kids...


Zack:

Jordan was in better position. However, after trying to purposely lose trades recently, I like Bryce’s long term situation better. Then again, it’s Bryce…and now Heery inside track on Bijan.


Heery:

PFF has graded Bijan as a top-5 graded run-blocking running back in the NCAA and that seems very concerning to me.


Reagan:

Jordan put his eggs in one basket. You can’t do that out in these streets.


Heery:

What made the biggest difference in this game?

  • Philly defense scoring 18

  • Hollywood trade

  • McKenzie touchdown

  • Baker sucking

  • Cardinals going for it on 4th instead of kicking with Matt Prater


Zack:

I mean the trade made all the difference. Jordan--get excited for Sean Tucker!


Reagan:

Jordan playing a defense playing Wentz-led offense was poor leadership and coaching.

Sean Tucker has averaged barely over 2.0 yards per carry over the last two weeks. Baker sucking was funny.


Zack:

Full circle.


Reagan:

Circle of life.



Zack:

Imagine leaving a team and then Jacoby Brissett brings them to elite EPA (Expected Points Added) heights never seen by you. Yikes.


Reagan:

I’m really sick of boring quarterbacks. I think there needs to be an age limit for quarterbacks and minimum 40-yard dash. I can’t watch any more of Matt Ryan and Brissett bumble about in the pocket.


Zack:

Jacoby ain’t bad, stop it.


Reagan:

Jacoby is boring.


Heery:

Rather watch Flacco. Dude throws lasers.


Zack:

Jacoby uses the elite line and RVs (he meant running backs) around him instead of trying to play hero ball.


Reagan:

Goodness, I forgot about him. What happened to superstar Mike white? I do know that Jacoby Brissett loves campers. Also, would you go to a jets/browns football game for free right now?


Zack:

Nah.


Heery:

Yes. Free football and a soft pretzel?


Reagan:

Heery would probably go watch 4th grade Pop Warner and enjoy those little rascals running around with helmets twice as big as them.


Heery:

Simply for entertainment, yeah.


Zack:

He would get animated and upset about some poor special teams tho. The kids and parents may get frightened...


Reagan:

Heery, quick! Next question...now you got Zack thinking about kids running around...


Heery:

Parents would be more upset than I would. It gets crazy.


Homecoming is coming up for high school students all around the country. Who is the homecoming king (player) this year? Or who’s on the court?


Reagan:

James Robinson, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and Tua.


Heery:

That’s crazy Lamar not on the list… and then Lamar takes Mark Andrews as his hot date.


Reagan:

I’m just saying players that are most popular right now. Lamar does do good football, though.


Zack:

Homecoming court will be Diggs, Kupp, Jefferson, Chase, Adams. All wide receivers, because prioritizing running backs is dumb. Speaking of, Kamara, Barkley, Najee, and King Henry are all available for an elite wide receiver.


Reagan:

Zack, you slimy grease ball.

*edited for the kids*


Heery:

Zack seems to be reeling with doubt and worry from his quarterback troubles and also his running backs' imperfections. And that’s it for us at Wirst Take, again presented by Elmer's Glue, forever holding together Zeke's fragile future held together by a single second-rounder in a very soon rebuild. I'm Heery Qerim-Rose, that's been Zack Kellerman and Reagan A. Smith. So long, we'll see you all again after Week 6.



 


Week 3 Review

Saquontum Leap knock off MixonItUpW/Mahomies to remain unbeaten in 129.1-103.0 runaway

Our Game of the Week wasn't quite what we had hoped, but Zack stays undefeated and Zach falls to 3rd place at 2-1. The Waddle/Hill combo proved ineffective against Saquon Barkley's Monday night fun and Derrick Henry's endzone visit. Russell Wilson didn't ride very far against San Francisco, so one might think the fantasy gods are giving Zack a little karma for what he did to Reagan when he needed a quarterback badly...


Zack drinks chunky milk find way to knock off Herbert Fully Loaded 122.15-115.55 despite coming up short of projections

If only CeeDee Lamb caught that long bomb, then maybe Heery would have pulled ahead with the upset. The key trade with Bryce for Marquise "Hollywood" Brown ended up a nice swap for both, as Brown had 17 targets from Kyler Murray. Worrisome, that it only produced 140 yards. In that same game, Rams kicker Matt Gay gave Reagan a nice lead. Kickers are useful, aren't they? Mark Andrews stays nice as all get out with two more touchdowns.


Samuel Adams top Myles and Moore in 140.6-109.3 drubbing

What else can we say about "Lamar-velous Ms. Maisel?" That guy runs everywhere and throws everywhere else. Lamar Jackson, the magical football player who continuously proves his worth to the league for his mega-deal. He's our favorite for league MVP right now, but there are 15 more weeks of the regular season left, so it remains to be seen. John seems to have found something at quarterback with Tua Tagovailoa's YAC Offense, and in the trade for Jaguars receiver Christian Kirk. Unfortunately, there were a lot of points left on John's bench.


Won Man Pony Show come up short of predictions, find way to beat I’m The Cook, 129.60-112.55

Corey continues to believe in Allen Robinson (and so do I in my heart), but who else would he have played? Jelani Woods, rookie tight end, who scored two touchdowns? Or Romeo Doubs, rookie wide receiver with an 8rec/73y/1t line? Look for them to crack Corey's lineup next week. Adam Thielen is still the redzone G.O.A.T. and Josh Allen threw about as many passes as Baker Mayfield (25), Matt Stafford (25), and Marcus Mariota (20) had combined. David gets lucky again and Corey falls into 5th place


Christian Watson Sinner Watson crush Psycho Kylers in 147.0-89.1 rout

Bettis' big three pulled out a pretty sizable upset here against Zeke: Jalen hurts so good, the Achilles Steal (James Robinson), and MACK HOLLINS (8rec/158y/1t)?!?!?! Don't forget about Chris Olave, our leader in the rookie wide receiver world who caught nine passes for 147 yards. Zeke's squad only had two total touchdowns to speak of. That's not a fun time for anyone named Zeke Anders.


Offensively-challenged Zach Wilson... Mother Tucker knock off Baker Of Chains in 87.95-83.60 nailbiter

Man, Heery pulled the wool over Jordan right before the pillow fight with Zack, taking points away from Bryce. It looked like that was the difference-maker here. That and Isaiah McKenzie's touchdown in the early window. Jordan's highest scorer was the Philadelphia Eagles D/ST with 18 full points. Bryce's bright stars were his namesake and father-to-be, Baker Mayfield, and DeVonta Smith, who finished with almost 27 points. Finally, because the Cardinals couldn't score, kicker Matt Prater nailed four field goals, scoring all of his team's actual points. Heery (via Bryce) is currently in the lead to receive the first overall pick in the 2023 Rookie Draft.

 

Week 4 Preview

Our Game of the Week in Week 4 is David vs. Reagan. Reagan, in second place, is projected 143 points while David, our 6th place bubble watch team, is projected 138 points. Hopefully, Reagan changes his team name. This should be a huge matchup to watch this week. The next closest matchup is between Tom (projected 135) and Zeke (projected 122). Other than those two battles, Zack is expected to beat John unless Tua throws for 500 yards, Zach will destroy Bryce, Heery hopes to jump into the puddles of Jordan's tears from Week 3, and Corey matches up with Bettis. There could always be some fun changes as we saw last week (Zack picked his Weekly Pick 'Em pick first and went 3-3) and we're super excited to see some fireworks and murders.


 

Weekly Pick 'Em

Heery (Last Week: 5-1, Overall: 14-4)

David, Zack, Heery, Zach, Corey, Tom

Reagan (Last Week: 4-2, Overall: 13-5)

Reagan, Zack, Heery, Zach, Corey, Tom

Zack (Last Week: 3-3, Overall: 13-5)

Reagan, Zack, Heery, Zach, Corey, Zeke

 

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